Relationships January 7, 2025 – Posted in: Sin categoría

I hope everyone had a great time and enjoyed spending time with family, friends, and themselves. Today, I want to write about relationships, particularly what happens when you’re not getting the relationship you deserve. Yes, that’s right—I’m saying that we all deserve to be in an honest, secure, and safe relationship.

As I mentioned in a previous article, sometimes we hold on to relationships that aren’t working, finding it difficult to let go. Losing someone is tough, but learning to be with yourself is essential—it’s a way to freedom. Living alone is not a punishment; sometimes, we need this time to rediscover ourselves and work on our own behaviours.

If someone tells you they love you but only on certain days or under certain conditions, that’s not love—that’s a condition. “I love you if you do what I say” is not true love. Yet, it is curious that we often tell our children we love them unconditionally, accepting certain behaviours because they are our kids. But we demand that they work hard to demonstrate love when it comes to others.

Have you ever noticed how we excuse certain behaviours from our children but not from our partners? I’ve observed couples fighting to save their relationships while struggling to establish boundaries with their children. Things can get chaotic when one parent sets a rule and the other sets a different one, especially in divorced families.

Why do some relationships work and others don’t? While each situation is unique, there are several common reasons why relationships fail:

1. Loss of trust

2. Poor communication

3. Lack of respect

4. Different priorities

5. Little intimacy

And many more. Often, partners or friends aren’t truly listening to each other or spending quality time together, and they fail to put themselves in the other person’s shoes. I completely understand that sometimes we’re unable to do this, especially if we’re dealing with personal issues, but communicating openly with your partner can help. If you’re not able to support them in a certain way, telling them why—rather than withdrawing—can improve the situation.

Sometimes, we need to make changes in our lives. Instead of adopting a victim mentality, we should focus on understanding what has happened in past relationships. It’s not about assigning blame; it’s about moving forward, reflecting on our behaviour and working on the areas that need improvement.

Many of us tend to open up to others but don’t talk to the person we love—or at least say we do. In all my articles, I emphasize that if you don’t know how to love yourself, you can’t truly love others. How can I offer water to someone else if I don’t drink water?

Some relationships work because, from the beginning, both people are honest. They don’t hide who they are or what they want. If you’re open and true to yourself, the person who chooses to be with you knows exactly what they’re getting into. A relationship is a choice, but sometimes, the wrong decisions are made because the other person isn’t honest about who they are. Yes, it’s scary to be open and vulnerable about what you’ve done or who you are, but I promise you that any relationship built on a bad foundation will not last. It’s like building a house—if you use the wrong materials, the house will collapse. Relationships are the same.

As we approach a new year or meet new people, take a moment to think about the kind of relationship you want. How would you like to build a new friendship? Are you scared to be yourself?

Remember: If someone loves you, they will love you the way they love their children—unconditionally. If it’s anything less, it’s not love; it’s a condition.

Remember: If someone loves you, they will love you the way they love their children—unconditionally. If it’s anything less, it’s not love; it’s a condition.

With lots of Love and Care

Soledad Jewell/ Soledad Medina Ortega