What is love? September 24, 2024 – Posted in: Sin categoría

Love is a profound and multifaceted emotion, often difficult to define but universally recognized. It can bring immense joy and fulfilment, but when entangled in a toxic

 relationship, it can also lead to pain and confusion. 

Toxic relationships often start subtly, with small red flags that are easy to ignore at first. Over time, these warning signs grow, and what began as love can turn into something harmful, leaving you feeling drained and unappreciated.

When you’re in a toxic relationship, it’s easy to lose sight of yourself because your focus is always on the other person. You might find yourself constantly trying to please them, sacrificing your own needs and desires. This imbalance can cause you to forget how to love yourself.

But loving yourself is crucial. It begins with recognizing your own worth and understanding that you deserve to be treated with kindness and respect—by others and by yourself. If you find it hard to focus on your own needs because you’re always thinking of others, start small. Practice self-care, set boundaries, and remind yourself that your happiness and well-being matter.

Reflecting on your first experience of love can be enlightening. The love your parents had for you even before you were born is a powerful reminder of your inherent value. From the moment they decided to start a family, they loved and nurtured you in ways you may not fully realize. Imagine the joy and anticipation they felt when they first heard your heartbeat, and the dreams they began to build for your future. One of the first questions they might have asked was, “Is it a girl or a boy?” But beyond that, they wondered how they would express their love, and how they would care for you.

The love your parents felt from the very beginning is a miracle in itself. It’s a testament to how special you are, and how deeply you were cherished before you even entered the world. As they prepared for your arrival, they likely felt a mix of excitement and fear—wondering how they would manage to love and care for you in the best way possible. But that love, unconditional and pure, was always there, guiding their actions and shaping the person you would become.

As a pregnancy progresses, the care given to both mother and child is crucial. For many, one of the most profound moments is when a child first sees their parents’ faces, feeling the love, care, and devotion they offer wholeheartedly. Unfortunately, this experience is not universal. Some parents are not fully prepared to provide this level of care due to their own unresolved attachments and connections with others. Their past relationships may have been painful, leaving them unable to find the love, respect, care, honesty, and, most importantly, the communication and trust needed in a healthy relationship.

Clients often ask me why they repeatedly choose similar partners and end up in toxic relationships. I believe it’s because they haven’t fully learned to love themselves enough to recognize when they are in a harmonious relationship. Often, their early attachments taught them that love is expressed through words, but those words were not always backed up by actions. We often talk about love being unconditional, but do we truly believe that?

My parents tell me they love me, but they hit me, abuse me, and don’t give me positive comments or help me grow into an adult who loves myself. They don’t teach me to stand up against disrespect or provide the love I deserve. So, the question is: do you love yourself? And how can you love yourself if you didn’t receive that support in your childhood, especially when the people who said “I love you” didn’t show those feelings through their actions?

What do you think will happen when you start having your first relationships? If my parents didn’t truly love me or teach me to love myself, what do you think will happen to me? There’s a familiarity in being in a toxic relationship where you still believe there’s a chance for change. I believe people can change, but only if they want to change. However, you definitely cannot change others.

If you’re in a relationship where the other person is sending you confusing messages, please don’t continue in that relationship. It’s not love; it’s mental abuse. Love starts when you spend time loving yourself and truly believing that you are worthy. It’s not about being perfect; it’s about recognizing that you need to care for yourself first before you can love anyone else.

Article by Sole Jewell